I was overwhelmed by the number of blog comments and cbox messages in response to my last post. Thanks a lot from the bottom of our hearts. Never knew we were loved by so many people.

I have been MIA (missing in action) for a while. I didn't blog. I didn't surf. I didn't read my mails. In short, I didn't touch the computer at all. Now I'm back, I'm ready to tell you the story.

June 12, 2007 - Tuesday

I was in the office that day. Went to the restroom and noticed fresh blood dripping. I immediately called my OB and scheduled for a visit that same afternoon. As you might have guessed, I was in a panic and at the same time scared.

Before going to the clinic, I was asked to take an ultrasound to know the fetal age and the cause of bleeding. It was actually my first as the original schedule was to have one on the 10th week (Saturday of the same week). It took a while for the sonologist to locate the fetus/embryo. God, by looking at her facial expression, I could really sense that something's wrong. She said the baby was just a 6 week old embryo. At 10 weeks, it should have developed into a fetus. And there were no signs of cardiac activity either. She was sort of giving me hints that the baby already stopped growing at 6 weeks. I was shocked and I kept asking questions. I guess she sensed the tension so she advised me to talk to my OB nalang.

Here's what my OB said. From the results of the ultrasound, the baby was only 6 weeks old, while the gestational sac was already 8 weeks. Bleeding was caused by the polyp but the cervix was intact. 3 possibilities: 1) baby was conceived on post-ovulation so we could have counted a couple of days earlier 2) baby was simply small 3) the baby stopped growing. I was advised full bed rest, lots of nutricious food, a happy mood, lots of sleep and a follow-up ultrasound the week after to see if there's any development. The fact that the baby doesn't have a heartbeat, that's a bad sign. But still, we had 50% chance.

June 13 - June 19, 2007

I ate well, sleeped well, rested well. I tried to relax but I couldn't. I tried not to cry but I can't hold my tears. I tried to be positive but I just knew we had to be ready for the worst. It was a painful week.

June 20, 2007 - Wednesday

I had another ultrasound ... the same sonologist... the same result. The OB said it was called a missed abortion. We could schedule a d & c (dilation and curettage) either Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Biopsy will be performed on the embryo to find out the cause of the pregnancy failure. It could be due to chromosome factor (which is the most common in missed abortions. Wrong number of chromosomes that led to early pregnancy failure - excerpt from Angie's blog). No problem with baby's grip, kasi kapit na kapit naman sya.

We told our family about the final result and were advised to consult with other doctors for second opinion. 3 days passed and 2 more visits with different OBs, the results were the same.

I prayed and asked God for a sign. You know what? God answered my prayers the following day.

June 23, 2007 - Saturday

I phoned the OB and scheduled a D&C on Monday.

We attended Lance's (my godson) birthday party at the orphanage that afternoon. Dex persuaded me to join the party so that I could relax and have fun. So we went and had fun with the kids.

I've had spotting because of my polyp since June 12, but I noticed heavier bleeding later that afternoon. We were supposed to attend another party with Dex's family that night but I decided not to go.

Around 9 pm, I phoned my OB and informed her about the bleeding (like monthly period) and the slight cramps on the lower abdomen. I was advised to go to the hospital immediately. If bleeding doesn't stop, she will do the d&c that same night. I called Dex and asked him to come home immediately.

I was still able to take a shower (coz I know I can't take a bath for weeks after the d&c) and packed some stuff while waiting for Dex. The cramps were still there. I thought I just needed to poop (which I did hehe). By 10pm, the cramps got worse and bleeding was unstoppable. I had to go frequently to the bathroom. I was shocked to see the napkin fully soaked within 5 minutes. A moment later, a huge discharge went straight into the bowl. It was bean shaped, almost as big as an egg, transparent with liquid thingie inside (like raw egg whites). I scooped it out of the bowl and placed it in a clean jar just in case the doctors will need it for biopsy.

A few minutes later, Dex and MIL arrived. Super panic ako, I was literally running ahead of them. I was shouting "lumabas na! lumabas na! punta na tayo sa hospital!"

Thank God the hospital was only 5 minutes away from our house. I was rushed to the delivery room and attended by resident doctors and nurses. I was asked a couple of questions then the doctor checked my condition. The next minute, she was able to dig out the placenta. All the pain went away after that (feeling ko nga kaya ko na tumakbo). I was told that the discharged that was expelled back at home was actually the embryo (my baby!!!!). I had an incomplete abortion and will undergo d&c and removal of my polyp the following morning. I spent the night at the delivery room.... confused, cold (ang lamig kasi ng aircon), and sad.

June 24, 2007 - Sunday

My OB arrived at around 8am. The moment I saw her, I felt like crying, like my fairy Godmother came to the rescue. Ang lungkot kasi talaga sa delivery room. I was transfered to the labor room a few minutes later for the d&c under saddle block/epidural anesthesia (I insisted to be awake). The process was done in 10-15 minutes coz all that's left was cleaning of blood clots and removal of polyps. Then I was transfered to the recovery room for the anesthesia to wear off. I swear, I felt as though I was gonna die. I had chills and chest pains like I was running out of air to breathe. I was even afraid of falling asleep for the fear of not waking up. I waited for around an hour and a half and was then transferred to my room. Finally, I got to see my husband after almost 12 hours.


I once thought God took the gift back because I didn't know how to appreciate it. I had doubts and I was confused. I blamed myself for a lot of things. But after a lot of prayers, I was finally able to let go and analyze things from another perspective. I realized a lot of things...

... that the baby loved me so much because she didn't give me a hard time while she was still with me and she didn't give me too much pain when she was coming out...

... that we are blessed for being "capable"...

... that we were loved by a lot of people including our families and friends...

... that God listens to our prayers...

... that I have the best husband in the whole wide world!!!!! (don't mind the snores and the beer belly hehe)

... I feel so blessed ...

I believe we will be given the gift of parenthood in due time. And I know, I will be smarter in the next pregnancy.


Ok, parang ayaw ko naman taposin etong post na ang bigat ng pakiramdam. Kailangan siguro ng konteng katuwaan. Alam niyo ba kung ano ang pangalan na naisip namin para sa baby namin?

kapag lalaki ay.... Dexterson...

kapag babae naman ay.... Alice Dexson!!!

malaki ang kutob namin girl ang anak namin e... Sabi ni Dex nagtampo siguro yun baby girl namin sa pangalan niya kaya ayaw na niya lumabas. *LOL*


NOTE:

Thanks Angie for sharing your story. I learned a lot from your post - tips, facts, and how to enlighten myself. *HUGZ*

Labels: matters of the heart, preggie woos

The test was taken last May 8. It took a while for me to post the news here coz I really wanna finish all the wedding related kuwentos before I go ahead with the baby announcement. But heck, I just can't wait! :)

So, how did we know about it? We were scheduled for a Tagaytay outing second week of May so I was really expecting for my period to come a week prior to our trip. My cycle is quite normal so I could almost guess when this month's period will come. Days passed and still my period didn't come. I started to suspect... but quickly denied the idea coz I felt unprepared. A week after, Dex got sick due to high fever. We went to the doctor and was given a couple of medications. While we were buying medicine at the drug store, I asked Dex maybe it's time to buy an HCG kit. The next morning, I woke up early and did the test. I was nervous and couldn't bare to look at the results. But alas, the 2nd line was as clear as a pen mark. We went to the OB a few hours later and I showed her the HCG result I got earlier in the morning. Here's what she said "buntis na buntis ka na nga, sure na yan!" without taking a second test, whatsoever. Reason being, the lines were so clear!

How do I feel? Sleepy, sleepy, and sleepy. I had cravings for sour food the week I was expecting my period. But it only lasted a week. I feel bloated most of the time but not to the point of throwing up. I just burp and fart any time and anywhere! *LOL* Friends say I'm blessed coz peanut doesn't give me a hard time. I hope so, but still I feel tired everyday.

Am I ready? Well, to be honest, I wasn't exceptionally excited the moment I knew I was pregnant. I know it's so bad of me, but I really feel it's not yet the right time. There are things I wanted to do and plans we have made for the upcoming months. Our application for migration visa to Canada's gonna be out soon, so all the happenings made me really confused. What are we to do next? Am I gonna deliver the baby here or there? What to do? What to do? I was even depressed for some time. They say it's pregnancy depression (much like post-partum). Dex, on the other hand, feels so happy about the coming of peanut. He's been talking me into having a baby since we got married. I feel better right now. I guess I was just shocked with the news. Friends were telling me we're very fortunate to receive a gift from God. Yes, indeed. I feel very thankful for this wonderful surprise. :)

I'm on my 9th week now and the expected due date will be on January 9, 2008. But I could probably deliver 2 weeks before or after the expected date. Sana aabot pa sa January 21! *LOL* Wag lang sana Christmas or New Year! Please please!

I'm starting to read up on pregnancy stuff (thus lesser blog time) and this is what I'm reading now. Not the exact edition coz I only borrowed a copy from my sister-in-law which was purchased a couple of years back.

Labels: matters of the heart, preggie woos, scrap